“The grinches were out the last two nights stealing cars and burglarizing vehicles,” police explained. This is apparently a reference to the nasty, green-hued freak who tried to wreck Jesus’ birthday for an entire town full of tiny Caucasians with elf-like facial features.
“We’ve had nine vehicle burglaries and two stolen vehicles since Christmas morning. One stolen vehicle was recovered in the 900 block of Maxwell Avenue. The suspects broke out car windows in several of the vehicle burglaries. A handgun was stolen from one of the vehicles. It appears many of the burglaries occurred between 1am-4am.”
Crime in college towns is common, as down-and-out college kids saddled with low-paying jobs or no jobs at all are out to make a quick score so they can buy some ramen and upgrade their gaming system.
“Please secure your vehicle, remove any items of value, park in a busy, well lit area,” cops advised.