By Gregory Karp, Chicago Tribune –
Older children want fancy cellphones, vehicles to get around and the latest video games and consoles. And, no doubt, some will want the new LeBron James basketball shoe by Nike that will reportedly sell for $315 per pair.
Where do parents draw the line on what they buy for their kids?
It’s a question more easily answered by families of limited means. They simply can’t afford such luxuries, and the answer to many optional purchases is no. The question is more difficult for higher earners, who “could” afford many of the discretionary purchases but must determine if they “should.”
Many parents know that seemingly inconsequential spending habits children learn young can later translate into serious decisions they make as adults — about credit cards, auto loans and home mortgages.
“We need to be a hand up, not a handout,” said Steve Economides, co-author with his wife Annette of “The MoneySmart Family System: Teaching Financial Independence to Children of Every Age.”
Forcing children to pay for some or all of discretionary purchases can be healthier for the child’s money education and the parents’ bank account, Annette Economides said. “You gradually hand over more of the decision-making to them while putting limits on yourself so you’re not bankrupting yourself in order to keep up with the Joneses,” she said. “There’s no end to the extravagances parents can spend money on for their kids. I think at some point there have to be some limits, for our kids’ sakes.”
It seems clear that parents should pay for food, shelter, health care, adequate clothing and costs of basic education. But beyond that, decisions become tougher.
Here’s a sampling of ideas from spending experts around the country to get you thinking about what parents should pay for.
—Needs versus wants. Gary Foreman, editor of The Dollar Stretcher website, said parental expenses is a popular topic on his site. “Parents are supposed to pay for the things that kids need but not necessarily for their wants,” Foreman said. “We need to provide them with shoes, but $200 sneakers are a want. If kids feel that they can’t live without those things, they should be invited to do extra chores around the house or work to earn the extra money. That way, the parent has fulfilled their obligation to care for their children and also taught them a valuable lesson that will pay off when kids become adults.”
Distinguishing between needs and wants was a common refrain from our experts.
“Once kids have skin in the game, they may better decide what purchases are most important to them,” said Paul Golden, spokesman for the National Endowment for Financial Education.
—A wealth disservice. One hazard of providing too much for a child is that they can become accustomed to the parents’ lifestyle rather than one they will be able to afford on their own, especially as a young person, said Steve Economides, father of five. Imagine an executive earning $150,000 a year who spends lavishly on his son, who as an adult is working as a server in a coffee shop.
“You’ve handcuffed him,” Economides said. The adult son’s financial boundaries don’t relate to his income. It’s easy to imagine that young man’s lifestyle of overspending, deep debt and asking parents for money.
—ROI. Return on investment, a business term, is another way to think about buying things for children that seem like needs but might really be wants, Steve Economides said. Does the item help the child do his or her “job,” a large part of which is being a student? Ask that question in regards to a personal computer, instead of using the family computer, or a cellphone.
—Struggle for success. “I can tell you unequivocally that anything your child can purchase with their own money, they will take ownership and pride in,” said Josh Elledge, chief executive “angel” at coupon site SavingsAngel.com. “I’ve found a pattern among my most successful friends — they all bought their own car, paid for their own tuition, worked many hours through high school and college. This is how I did it, and while I indeed struggled at times, I wouldn’t trade my experience.”
Some people who grew up poor and became successes say they don’t want their children to face the same hard times. “When our kids struggle, there is something beautiful in that struggle,” Annette Economides said. “When we hand everything to our kids, they’re not growing stronger. They’re actually getting weaker.”
—Cellphones and college. Jill Cataldo, a nationally known blogger and coupon instructor, said she and her husband set specific rules for various purchases. She bought her high school daughter a cellphone by adding her service to the family plan but refused to buy her a smartphone. “We decided that she doesn’t need a smartphone at her age, though if she would like one, she will be paying the difference for that upcharge,” Cataldo said. “She does have a part-time job, but she has yet to decide it’s worth ponying up that money.” With cars, her daughter has been saving since she was 8 years old, so she will pay for the car and gas, and mom and dad will pay for insurance, Cataldo said.
As far as education, they recently agreed to pay for a journalism camp their daughter wanted to attend, but when it comes to college, they will pay for two years of community college and two years of in-state university. The community college route was a common refrain from the experts.
—Spending envelope. Gail Cunningham, spokeswoman for the National Foundation for Credit Counseling, had a system when her children were old enough to start the “gimmes” in the supermarket checkout aisle. She kept an envelope with the child’s name marked on it and money inside. “When the child asks for something, tell them that you’re happy for them to have the item and hand them their envelope,” she said. “Nine times out of 10, once they realize they’re going to have to buy the item with their own money, they’ll hand the envelope back to you.”
They learned the invaluable lesson of telling themselves no.
As the children grew, Cunningham also had a rule about college. “We agreed to pay for the first degree, but if they wanted to pursue post-graduate degrees, they had to fund it themselves,” she said, adding that the rule didn’t dissuade them from further education. “Three out of the four children have post-graduate degrees, one a Ph.D.”
—Unusual circumstances. Iron-clad rules about parental spending don’t work because kids are so different. Teri Gault, frugality expert and founder of TheGroceryGame.com, said her oldest son wanted to get a job at age 16 to buy a car. But, she said, he had “standout baseball skills that could win him a scholarship worth much more than a minimum-wage job.” They bought him a clunker and paid for insurance and gas in exchange for honor-roll grades, hard work in baseball and mowing the yard. He ended up with a $96,000 baseball scholarship to college and signing bonus from the Minnesota Twins, she said.