Steve Gravelle, CR Gazette –
Kate and Trish Varnum have a running joke every time they drive out of state.
“We’d cross the border and we’d say, ‘It’s been nice being married to you,’” said Kate.
Trish, 38, is an operations clerk for a Cedar Rapids manufacturing company, Kate, 46, a stay-at-home mom to 3-month old Alex. Outside their Cedar Rapids home, though, they’re known for the Varnum decision, the Iowa Supreme Court’s April 3, 2009, decision overturning the state’s ban on same-sex marriage.
The Varnums, lead plaintiffs and one of six couples challenging the law, were among the first of an estimated 4,500 same-sex couples to marry in the state after the ruling.
Since then, same-sex marriage has been legalized in five other states and the District of Columbia. An effort to give Iowans a vote on the issue appears stalled in the Legislature.
The Varnums’ story has been mostly happy since the ruling, but something as simple as crossing state lines can bring a reality check.
Like last fall, when the Varnums added Alex to their family. The Texas judge presiding over the process didn’t like it.
“He said our son will have a stigma growing up, and what do we intend to do about that?” recalled Trish Varnum. “He kept using that word, stigma. I told him in Iowa he’ll find a lot more acceptance and tolerance. Being a Texan myself, I wanted to say, ‘You old coot, not everybody’s as old and bigoted as you are.’”
“He asked us questions like, ‘what if happens when you divorce?’” Kate Varnum said. “Not if you divorce, but when. And Trish said, ‘well, we worked pretty hard just to get married.’”
Thanks to an “absolutely wonderful” attorney who pointed out Texas code left the judge no choice, Alex’s adoption went through. To the Varnums, it was just another instance of having to defend their marriage.
‘Always a threat’
At home, the Varnums remain vigilant of efforts to outlaw their marriage, most successfully the 2010 removal by voters of three justices on the Supreme Court’s unanimous opinion.
“I don’t want to ever say it’s safe,” said Kate Varnum. “There’s always going to be that threat, and I don’t want to ever sit back and say it’s done.”
The group OneIowa has launched the Why Marriages Matters Iowa campaign to fend off attempts to reverse same-sex marriage rights. The Varnums are involved, but “we don’t go out and talk as much,” Kate Varnum said. “We demonstrate with how we are with each other and how we are with our son. “
The Republican-controlled state House passed a bill last year calling for a referendum on the issue, but it remains stalled as long as Democrats control the Senate. Bob Vander Plaats, an organizer of the judicial recall, doubts there will be legislative action, and even a repeat of the 2010 effort is unlikely.
“Everyone says the economy needs to be the focus, the budget needs to be the focus,” said Vander Plaats, president and CEO of the Family Leader. “We agree with that.”
Opposition rally planned
Vander Plaats said a March 20 rally at the state Capitol is “probably the main effort right now.”
Justice David Wiggins is the only judge on the Varnum decision facing a retention vote this fall.
“He should be held to the same account his peers were in 2010, but we haven’t made a decision yet in regards to that,” said Vander Plaats.
Tim Hagle, associate professor of political science at the University of Iowa, thinks the political backlash may be spent.
“I just don’t see that here in Iowa you’re going to see as successful a push to remove that justice,” said Hagle. “I just don’t think it will have that same force as it did two years ago.”
Predictions of social breakdown following legalization haven’t borne out, removing one argument for its repeal, Hagle said.
‘The sky hasn’t fallen’
“A lot of people who are sort of on the fence and may have been focusing more on the judicial activism (argument) are going to look at it and say, ‘well, the sky hasn’t fallen,’” he said.
Meanwhile, the Varnums and other same-sex families hope to show other Iowans they’re not so different.
“It’s harder to hate somebody, than something,” said Trish Varnum.
Days after the 2009 Iowa decision, the Vermont Legislature overrode the governor’s veto of a bill legalizing same-sex marriage, making it the first state to legalize it legislatively.
Courts in Massachusetts and Connecticut had already legalized same-sex marriage in similar rulings; it was also legalized legislatively in New York and New Hampshire, and Washington appears poised to do the same, perhaps as early as this weekend. It’s also legal in the District of Columbia.
“I don’t think any way is better,” said Kate Varnum. “Civil rights have often been done by courts. If you do it legislatively that’s great, but it’s the job of the courts to interpret the law.”
Legal same-sex marriage was reversed by referendum in California and Maine. The California vote reversed a state court decision, Maine’s a legislative action.
Generational opposition
Both the Varnums and Hagel, who’s faculty adviser to the campus College Republicans chapter, think opposition to gay rights in general is generational.
“They are much more divided than are Republicans in general,” Hagel said of the campus GOP. “As these folks continue to grow old they’ll be the decision-makers, and this won’t be an issue.”
“We’re trending that way,” said Kate Varnum. “The acceptance rate is going up. I’d like to think that by the time (Alex is) 5 it’s not such a big deal.”
For now, the Varnums must pay to have three federal income tax returns prepared, so they have the federal form to file with their state taxes, and getting family insurance coverage remains a paperwork battle. They hope to change that by being themselves.
“We live our lives as honestly as possible,” said Trish Varnum
“ … and that’s what we’re going to teach you,” Kate Varnum told Alex.
