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Vandals take note: Mason City skywalk cannot be damaged by thrown rocks


This news story was published on May 18, 2020.
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Mason City’s proposed skywalk shall be oblivious to punks throwing rocks.

MASON CITY – Any disgruntled punks launching rocks from their muscled upper appendages at Mason City’s new skywalk will be completely humiliated and out of luck, it was declared this month at a council work session.

Mason City’s city council and other officials got together again on May 5 to trade hot air and pow-wow about the big bad skywalk that is allegedly going to be built downtown, connecting from a hotel that doesn’t quite exist yet across Delaware Avenue to the hoppin’ Music Man Square – always a popular hot spot with locals and tourists who flock there on a regular basis to sniff the never-stale air inside the oh-so-attactive giant beige shoebox.

This man is ready to party at or near the indestructible skywalk – if it is ever built.

Former janitor and now once again councilman John Jacksooskee listened intently to the discussion about the $1+ million dollar Skywalk piece to the grandiose Rennaissance Project. After all that discussion, his laser-sharp brain came up with a question worthy of the professor from Gilligan’s Island – could some nasty druggy, pissed at the world and looking to score some tasty revenge, suddenly turn into Roger Clemmons and launch from his world-class arm cannon a rock, and thereby besmirch the hallowed skywalk?  “Would the glass be strong enough…” the mop-pusher mumbled out loud.

A semi-coherent official in attendance was nudged awake and assured Mr. Jacksooskee, that yes, the glass would hold, it is “impact-resistant” and no rock would ever scratch, crack nor otherwise defile this trusty pathway.

After this extremely important bit of detail was proclaimed, all in attendance breathed a huge sigh of relief and the meeting was adjourned.

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33 Responses to Vandals take note: Mason City skywalk cannot be damaged by thrown rocks

  1. Avatar

    Anonymous Reply Report comment

    May 21, 2020 at 8:53 pm

    To the writer: Nice piece… This is just the kind of writing I come to this site for…
    Something I can really sink my teeth into, reporting I know and love…
    I don’t want a globe gazette fluff piece…
    As far as this whole downtown… stick a fork in it, it’s done…
    What a grandiose waste of money, the skywalk to nowhere…
    And has that dumb hockey rink made a dime yet?

  2. Avatar

    Anonymous Reply Report comment

    May 20, 2020 at 10:51 pm

    Oh uh has Matt run another failed campaign for a chair at City council?

    • NIT Publisher

      NIT Publisher Reply Report comment

      May 21, 2020 at 8:05 am

      Only two so far, maybe by next time Robin and Bill will run out of letters to send out to the 4th ward.

      • Avatar

        Anonymous Reply Report comment

        May 21, 2020 at 12:14 pm

        Robin and Bill were not the reason that you lost an election not once but twice.
        The reason that you lost those elections is because you are a douche-bag and dick-wad.

        • NIT Publisher

          NIT Publisher Reply Report comment

          May 21, 2020 at 12:56 pm

          Girl, don’t go away mad, just go away
          Actually, stay and click all day
          Don’t smell up your mom’s basement
          And don’t nibble on your excrement
          Someday you’ll finally make a dime
          Even anonymous losers have their time

  3. Avatar

    Anonymous Reply Report comment

    May 19, 2020 at 7:09 pm

    I honestly do not know how this can possibly be classified as news? Apparently, the Author missed out on the part of news writing that says ones opinion should be avoided. Oh well, I guess par for the course, as most media has lost its respective minds.

  4. Avatar

    Anonymous Reply Report comment

    May 19, 2020 at 6:41 pm

    Just another case of Marqwart once again proving that he is nothing more than a pussy.

  5. Avatar

    GothicRiverCityArtisan Reply Report comment

    May 19, 2020 at 2:07 pm

    This is hilarious. Sardonic commentary is very Renaissance and I think people need to get a sense of humor since the city council aren’t the voice of the people yet act like they know what the greater good is for our area. If we’re going to use the art history analogy we are more like Gothic River City because the ideals of flourishing culture where workers and merchants are also considered the leading artists and poets has yet to be realized. Our Renaissance is going to arise from those willing to put a critical lense on our own actions and take our local arts performance and markets to the next level. Amidst the argument for arguing’s sake that’s so prevalent in our response to news lately I must say thank you North Iowa Today for publishing this clever if slightly irreverent and just offensive enough jab at our local officials tendency to get bogged down in minutia while they miss the point of re-enlightened cultural inspiration like a comedic political rant. Those who are offend by the mop pusher comment may or may not have been custodians themselves but as an educated painter who cooked his way through art school I wouldn’t be offended I’d anyone here were to say that a fry guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about when discussing the merits of a journalist insulting a council members profession even if that was general labor and not civic engineering. This is one of the funniest things I’ve read lately.

    • Avatar

      Anonymous Reply Report comment

      May 19, 2020 at 4:04 pm

      Ya right…”GothicRiverCityArtisan” my ass.
      Feeble attempt there Markwart to cover your ass in a futile effort to bolster your own pathetic existence.
      You truly are one very sorry ass excuse for a person.

      • Avatar

        Anonymous Reply Report comment

        May 21, 2020 at 11:18 am

        No not Marquardt I’m a local artist with the area’s only art studio and gallery that offers truly modern contemporary works by actual Mason City locals. It’s a private venue to which you have to be “in the know”and have an invitation to view. If you understood my rhetoric and have heard me speak before it would be no secret who I am. Political satire is a cornerstone of the news and that is clearly the author’s intent. And clearly the audience does not have to appreciate the author’s intent for the author to have written a good piece, By commenting you have demonstrated that you are the author’s audience and the author was able to stir up feelings and ideas which you expressed. This is the purpose of political satire and it is very well done in this article.

  6. Avatar

    mom of 6 Reply Report comment

    May 19, 2020 at 12:05 pm

    i will unscrew my mop handle from the mop head and beat you sensliss with the wooden stick my grandma was a cleaning lady she claen all the rich people house in town and the flores were spotliss

    • Avatar

      Anonymous Reply Report comment

      May 19, 2020 at 1:38 pm

      This writer needs a reality check does he live in the area? I want to find his glass windows and throw rocks from my flower bed.

  7. Avatar

    Anonymous Reply Report comment

    May 19, 2020 at 10:15 am

    Who wrote this POS article?

    • Avatar

      Anonymous Reply Report comment

      May 19, 2020 at 11:20 am

      Who else…it was little Mattie, the middle-aged loser.

  8. Avatar

    Anonymous Reply Report comment

    May 19, 2020 at 9:07 am

    Markwart is a douche-bag.
    He was born a douche-bag.
    Has lived his life as a douche-bag.
    And he will die a douche-bag.

  9. Avatar

    Anonymous Reply Report comment

    May 19, 2020 at 7:45 am

    My father was a mop pusher as was his father. Both raised large families on their own, owned homes and cars and most of all paid their bills and taxes.

    • Avatar

      Anonymous Reply Report comment

      May 19, 2020 at 7:50 am

      Now I feel like every one looks at me as mop pusher. Huge boost on my self worth.

  10. Avatar

    Anonymous Reply Report comment

    May 19, 2020 at 7:25 am

    Drone traffic. Keep drinking that swill.

  11. Avatar

    Anonymous Reply Report comment

    May 19, 2020 at 7:07 am

    I guess your calling all of who clean mop pushers. Well at least its an honest living and we are degrading people by what they do. SHame on who wrote this article and Who allowed it. Done with this paper!

  12. Avatar

    Anonymous Reply Report comment

    May 19, 2020 at 6:59 am

    Roger Clemens?

  13. Avatar

    Anonymous Reply Report comment

    May 19, 2020 at 5:55 am

    I don’t know anything about what’s behind this article but it really upset me when you called the guy a “mop pusher”. What are getting at and why was that statement necessary.? No wonder this paper suffers in our area. What was once a great newspaper has become sad stuff to even look at.

  14. Avatar

    Anonymous Reply Report comment

    May 18, 2020 at 11:32 pm

    I hope the writer of this piece realizes he did nothing more then to throw the gauntlet down to anyone who enjoys a challenge or stimulate some bored individual to prove him wrong. And to the writer of this dare, I add the following homily: “Be careful of what you sow, for so also shall you reap”.

  15. Avatar

    Anonymous Reply Report comment

    May 18, 2020 at 9:20 pm

    Markwart you are punk if I see you out I will punch you in your dum smug face watch out

  16. Avatar

    Ralph Reply Report comment

    May 18, 2020 at 7:44 pm

    Love it!

  17. Avatar

    Anonymous Reply Report comment

    May 18, 2020 at 7:38 pm

    So the best that NIT can do is make fun of a guys last name. The persons name is John Jaszewski.
    How predictable that you act like a 10 year old by calling names.

    So, do you get your rocks off by making fun of someone?
    You of all people not be throwing stones.

    What was that guys name that ran for MC city council one time and got spanked by the stupidest person
    to ever sit on the MC city council, one Janet Solberg.
    How big a loser do you have to be to lose that pathetic idiot Janet Solberg.

    So then after the guy gets his ass whooped once, he thinks why not try to run for MC city council again.
    Surely the first time was a fluke.
    Lo and behold the guy loses the election again and gets his butt handed to him for the second time..
    And who was the person that that kicked his ass, why none other than John Jaszewski….the guy that you made fun of, Markwart.

    So who was the clown that got his ass kicked in two recent MC city council elections?

  18. Avatar

    Anonymous Reply Report comment

    May 18, 2020 at 6:35 pm

    Now, that sounds like a challenge.

    • NIT Publisher

      NIT Publisher Reply Report comment

      May 19, 2020 at 9:50 am

      You will be humiliated by the sheer power of the indestructible materials used to construct this gleaming passage from a ho-hum hotel to a very lit party spot. Save the rock for your flower bed.

      • Avatar

        Anonymous Reply Report comment

        May 19, 2020 at 11:59 am

        Rock? You say Rock? Matt, in this day and age of unique items of destruction, rocks should be the least of your problems. Just talk to any veteran of Iran and Afghanistan. There are people out there with the knowledge, material, and determination to shove your little challenge right up your ass. And for no other reason then they are bored and want to prove you wrong.

      • Avatar

        Anonymous Reply Report comment

        May 19, 2020 at 7:35 pm

        I do hope you are laughing at these idiots as hard as I have been.
        I am smart enough to realize how tongue in cheek this is. Yes, for you idiots, satirical, or terms you might understand, like Saturday Night Live making fun of something.

        • NIT Publisher

          NIT Publisher Reply Report comment

          May 20, 2020 at 8:45 am

          I’ve been snickering for a couple days now. The only time I’ve really been frightened by a goblin threatening me was the time Robin grabbed me and tried to drag me back to a private room for some naughty time. That scared the daylights out of me.

  19. Avatar

    Anonymous Reply Report comment

    May 18, 2020 at 6:27 pm

    Elon Musk thought the same thing of his “truck”.