NEW YORK – As Donald Trump awaits trial for allegedly paying a porno actress for a rousing time, the ex-President is ready to sell you a Bible to enhance your praying experience.
“Happy Holy Week!” Donald Trump blustered on his social media platform. Trump doesn’t know any Bible verses, but is all on board with the Christian way of life in America. “Let’s Make America Pray Again,” he suggests.
To make praying much easier, and for the low low price of just $59.99, you can have one of his amazing Bibles he fully endorses. Trump’s Bible website (top photo courtesy) describes them this way:
“Easy-to-read, large print, and slim design, this Bible invites you to explore God’s Word anywhere, any time. This bible has been designed so that it delivers an easy reading experience in the trusted King James Version translation. This large print Bible will be perfect to take to church, a bible study, work, travel, etc. This Bible also features a copy of: Handwritten chorus to “God Bless The USA” by Lee Greenwood; The US Constitution; The Bill of Rights; The Declaration of Independence; The Pledge of Allegiance.”
If you are somehow not weary about typing your personal information into this high-tech e-commerce site to make the purchase, realize there will be a handling fee and shipping fee plus a 4-6 week wait involved with the sale. For all you MAGAs who really love Jesus, Make America Pray Again hats are available for the marked-down price of $25.
Trump is caressing his Bibles even as a New York judge has set an April 15 date to begin a criminal trial in which he is accused of paying porno actress Stormy Daniels hush money to keep quite about their sexual dalliances. Reportedly, he will be in a courtroom up to 4 days a week, and the testimony will be potentially extremely salacious.
Best written and most accurate news story ever.
God is laughing. trump loves the poorly educated.