Opinion: Heil Trump

Well today I’ve decided to come clean – I want you to know that I just got out of the shower because I know now I’m super clean. I want to be honest with you and everything I say and do. Do you remember when you didn’t see me walking down the streets of Mason city, do you remember? Well I promise to be truthful so I want you to know that despite the fact you all thought I was enrolled in a military academy. The fact was I was not in the academy. I was fighting in the jungles of Borneo.  I was a chief medical officer (surgeon) of a battalion and that meant all of the wounded were brought to me.  The fact that I didn’t know how to repair the wounds was of least material.  These people were just carried off to die. The fact of the matter was we counted on the animals that live in the jungle to devour the corpses and it worked for a while but then of course they started to stack up and I was worried about disease.  Mostly I was worried about myself because there was a chance that I could catch the disease. There were other issues there that aggravated me; heading the list was the food in Borneo sucked and the fact there was was no golf course but I set about cutting down a lot of the trees to make room for the resort hotel I was planning and I needed a landing strip someplace where my plane could land.

In addition to the bad food, the plumbing was bad and there was no dry cleaning.  That reminds me of the community that I came from in so much that was exactly the same issue, lack of dry cleaning.  People were getting used to having their dry cleaning needs handled a great distance from home in the city where they lived. We had an election coming up in the morning in spite of the fact I was the only candidate.  Mostly all the voters are the dark skinned.  I tried to get some of my friends in the white supremacist groups to move there with the promise of all the coconuts they could eat for life. But but they wanted more, they wanted to hunt the dark people and offer prizes – rhinoceros horns were the biggest thing. People ground them up and sniffed the powder believing it would give them sexual prowess. Then there was that monsoon season that was responsible for breeding mosquitoes bigger than crows. They could suck a quart of blood out of you faster than you could say Heil Hitler.

Then some smart ass stated talking about climate change. I put an end to that I told him there was no such thing, that there was only the day and night and that seems to work fine. I could go on all day about the things in Borneo that are lacking; one more aggravation is the inability to tweet. But then I thought about it and I figured what difference does it make, these people can’t read or write none of them have ever read a book.  Remember if you run a temperature lay on the ground in the back yard with your head pointing north.

Peter children

Trust me I will never lie to you.