By Danny O’Neil, The Seattle Times –
Danny O’Neil’s NFL power rankings
1. Green Bay Unfortunately for Aaron Rodgers, no Discount Double Check on Super Bowls.
2. Houston Hard to find a reason why Houston won’t be better this season than a year ago.
3. New England Not a joke: Wes Welker has endorsed Depends and hair transplants.
4. Baltimore Ravens would’ve kicked themselves over last year’s Pats playoff loss, except they missed.
5. Atlanta Matt Ryan 0-3 in the playoffs, NFL equivalent of best golfer never to win a major.
6. Dallas WR Dez Bryant’s behavior rules don’t require raising a hand to go to the bathroom. Yet.
7. Cincinnati Bengals offense sounds like seasoning when Dalton peppers a defense.
8. N.Y. Giants Winning ever get old? Nah. Not when the old get to win like Tom Coughlin.
9. Pittsburgh Steelers so old that dirt is getting offended by the comparison.
10. San Francisco Hey, Alex Smith, Earth just called. It’s waiting for you to fall back to it.
11. Philadelphia Andy Reid’s mustache is getting long enough to give its own news conferences.
12. Seattle Seahawks hoping that cutting Kellen Winslow doesn’t leave their wins low.
13. New Orleans Mutiny on the Bounty was a movie; mutiny over the bounties was a distinct possibility in La.
14. Denver Peyton Manning follows natural equestrian development, going from Colt to Bronco.
15. Detroit Not sure if Prince Fielder would help Lions’ D-line depth, but he’d certainly add width.
16. N.Y. Jets Jets QBs threw to garbage cans in training camp. Perfect practice for this receiving corps.
17. Chicago Nope. Quarterback Jay Cutler’s not any more likable this year.
18. Tennessee Titans’ Locker room now a proper noun. It belongs to second-year QB from Ferndale.
19. San Diego Why not give Norv Turner a 1,347th chance to show he can be a good NFL head coach?
20. Oakland Carson Palmer resents Russell Wilson. Another NFL QB with two last names.
21. Arizona Fitting the Cards have a Skelton quarterback given the bare-bones situation on the O-line.
22. Miami Very possible the high point of this Dolphins season will be cutting Chad Johnson.
23. Carolina Newton’s law states everything eventually falls back to earth. Even Cam.
24. Kansas City How can you name Romeo your coach and not expect a tragic outcome?
25. Washington When does a mad rookie QB sound like a droid? When RG III’s P.O.’d.
26. Buffalo Bills certainly due. They haven’t made the playoffs since 1995.
27. Jacksonville Anyone who says Jags will have a winning record is full of Mularkey. Mike Mularkey.
28. Minnesota Everything Vikes need to know involves knowing about Adrian Peterson’s knee.
29. Cleveland Rookie QB Brandon Weeden is only 2 months older than Aaron Rodgers.
30. St. Louis A shame NBA’s Stephen Jackson has gotten so many playoff games, Steven Jackson so few.
31. Tampa Bay A control-freak college coach always works in the NFL. Ask Nick Saban about Miami.
32. Indianapolis HBO’s Luck canceled after a single season. Indy’s Luck will have longer shelf life.